It’s the first day of November and it was 39 degrees when I left the house to go to work this morning at 4AM. Last night was the first time in the 13 years we have been in our home that we did not give out candy. We did not watch Halloween movies. We watched “The Sopranos” instead, as a family, and had dinner together in front of the tv and it was good but it wasn’t our yearly tradition and I’m a little sad about that.
Life has not been the same since September 8th (when my wife lost her job) and I’m not sure how to get us back on track. I tried to listen to Christmas music yesterday and I had a panic attack. And typing that just made me realize what is different and what I need to do.
I do not like that “fear” has entered our home and our lives. I grew up with “fear”….fear of no food, fear of no home, fear of no clothes, fear of no electricity, fear of no working car to get my dad to work, fear that the car would last to get us to the next place we had to be. I didn’t miss that fear EVER, once I left home at 22.
It came back for a visit when I left my first marriage and I had $12 to my name. It has popped back in at different points in my life – buying new cars, buying our homes, starting a new job etc. I really thought it was gone for good this time though.
We are so very BLESSED and so very THANKFUL and full of GRATITUDE right now and fear has no place in that.
This is the start of the month of what is one of my FAVORITE holidays, Thanksgiving. My son would always say, “Mama, I just don’t know how you would like Thanksgiving more than Christmas!?” And I would sit him down and tell him that it was the one time of the year we took to sit down and eat together with our family and/or friends and that was it – nothing else was expected. We didn’t have to worry about physical gifts – like most of the other holidays – or going somewhere after dinner. It was the time to realize that our real gift in this life was each other and that, to me, is one of the best feelings in the world.
When he was little I would take him out shopping for Black Friday after he earned shopping money for doing chores to get the house ready for company on Thanksgiving and we did create a lot of wonderful memories doing that. This year, he is older and stores aren’t open as early as they once were and again, it’s different. Change. Always a challenge.
This year we’re going to run Dav’s Tastykake route. I told her we should load up the cakes and go sit in the mall parking lot with some containers of coffee and water and sell it, lol. She thinks I’m crazy. But I remember so many Black Fridays, waiting in long lines and STARVING because nothing was open and being so THIRSTY because the stores were hot. I still think it’s a great idea.
Well, big world wide web….thanks for listening to my musings and helping me figure out some things once again. It’s time to help FEAR pack its bags and move on! Happy November everyone!