September 19, 2023
I’ve been blogging for years now, always going to this site or that. I thought it would be nice to be able to have all of the stories in one place. As I go through my old blogs I will add in the posts below so you can see what FAMILY means to me.
April 26, 2011
Here we are, the first pic taken of our new family. It was March of 2009 and we were exhausted lol.
And a bit overwhelmed. And scared. And hungry, God we were starving!! I refused to leave their side for any reason and it had just became hospital policy that only one meal, for the mother, would be provided. I don’t know why I didn’t go down to the cafeteria or step out to pick up something at a local fast food place. We were there for 4 days and I just didn’t want to be anywhere else but with mommy and spuddy.
May 11, 2011
I downloaded this book (Today We Are Rich by Tim Sanders) on my kindle a few days ago and it is really making me take a look at my life. No, I am not where I want to be in my career. No, I am not doing what I love to do. So he said, get back to the basics. Think back over the successes in your life. What were you doing then that you aren’t doing now? I really drew a big blank at first. Ok let’s start with the basics. When we first moved into this house in May, 2010 I was ecstatic because of the kitchen. Oh, to look at it most people would probably tear it down but for me, it contained two things I had always wanted – a sink with a window above it so I could look outside while I was doing dishes and a dishwasher. What I hadn’t thought of was with the dishwasher, I wouldn’t be washing many dishes! I also hadn’t realized what a pain it was going to be to unload it but that’s besides the point lol. So tonight I went back to washing dishes the “basic” way. I watched the dogs playing in the yard and listened to the birds singing. I had forgotten how therapeutic something as simple as washing dishes could be. It felt great. I also started thinking about my childhood because I’ve always tried to be a success since I was in second grade lol. I really have to dust off some files in my head to go back that far but one thing I thought about when I was driving to work was all the country music we listened to. Tim said that we need to listen to things that are positive, inspirational and motivational. So I changed the radio station from Eminem to a country crooner and was smiling by the time I reached the office. One other thing I’ve done my entire life – except for the last few years – is journal. Tim said we need to take time to develop ourselves – so here I am, journaling again. I know I can’t change my path in a day but at least I can turn on to the right road and keep walking 🙂
Spuddy has been having a terrible time falling asleep. We are at our wits end. I think we want our free nights that we had when he was a baby back lol. He would always go to sleep by 7. Not anymore! We need to adjust for him and it’s tough but we’ll get through it.
May 12, 2011
Spuddy was outside with us on our back porch last night and made some observations I thought I would share. He said “Mama, sky!” I said, “Yes, it’s changing colors because it’s getting darker.” He said, “Mama, schars!” I said, “Yes, the stars are out and there’s the moon!” He paused a minute, pointed his finger to the sky and said, “Mama, God!” Ummmm…..what? I said, “What did you say honey?” He said, “God,” and continued to point up. Whoa.
Today we asked my mom if she mentioned anything about God or Him being up in the sky and at first she said no. Then she thought about it and said that maybe when she was explaining to him where their dog went (she had to be put to sleep 2 days ago) that she may have said “Sheba is up with God”. These kids pick up everything!
I hugged him and said “Spuddy, I KNEW you were sent to me from God!” And in my mind, he was. Mommy and I had been together 5 years before we really became serious about having a baby together and it was always known it would be me who would have it. I can be a girly girl at times and having a baby was one of my girly girl dreams. I imagined the clothes I would wear when I was pregnant, how I would wear my hair, all the people who would pat my belly, and the classes I would drag mommy to. Mommy is not a girly girl by any stretch of the imagination and she told me she was not pushing anything out of “there” lol.
I went to the doctor to have all of the preliminary tests done, because I hadn’t had a period in awhile, and low and behold I needed an operation to have my right ovary fixed. Only my left ovary was “working” and that wasn’t even working perfectly. My odds of having a baby were slim to none without the operation. I took a deep breath, went to schedule the operation and found out my insurance would not cover it because I was could not provide reproductive tests from my male partner . What? They considered it a reproductive surgery and it was not covered unless I was with a male partner. Forget about the fact that I needed to get my period back on track because a woman is supposed to bleed every month….how in the world could they deny me this? I asked about the cost if I paid it out of pocket and they said it would start at $5000 and go up from there. They also said they would be happy to walk me through financing it – um, no way. All I had running through my mind was that if I went to a bar, got liquored up, found some random guy to have sex with and then ended up pregnant my insurance company would cover everything from the first test to any tests needed during pregnancy and all but my deductible during delivery. But because I was in a loving, stable relationship with a woman I could not even get medical help I needed. How sad was that?
To say I was devastated would be an understatement. Between all the things we had to pay for like sperm, sperm storage, donor information, misc. testing, and insemination there was no way I could justify taking that “slim” chance with our swimmers.
I called mommy on my way home, crying, and told her what the doctor and insurance company said and that we could adopt and I was sorry and she said, “What are you talking about, I’ll do it!” I can still remember exactly where I was, what the day looked like and how I felt when I heard those words. That she would, without hesitation, volunteer to carry our baby was mind-blowing to me.
I will tell our full story in time but all I can think of right now is her gift to me of our beautiful son.
October 18, 2011
So mommy tells me that spuddy told her on the phone that he wants to stay at nana and poppops tonight. Lord if I wasn’t so damn tired I would have said no because I really wanted a spuddy kiss after my day. So I went home, at 3, planning to clean and cook a nice dinner for us and instead I collapsed on the bed and fell asleep until mommy came home at 6. She woke me up to say hi and went to get a drink from the kitchen. Before I knew it she had came back again at 7 to see if I just wanted to stay asleep. I dragged myself out of bed because we were starving and took inventory of our fridge. Nothing. Lol. I found some chicken patties in the freezer so I threw them in the microwave and when they were done we sat down for mommy time in front of the tv and some chicken sandwiches. Before spuddy we were tv addicts….now we tape everything and watch it if and when we can. We said goodbye to some favorites – Dexter, big bang theory, weeds…lord we watched so much tv 30 months ago I can’t even remember it all. Anyway, tonight we watched Homeland, I love that show, and then went in the bedroom and watched Greys Anatomy from 2 weeks ago. And we talked about how much we missed our spuddy and how we were taking him to Disney sometime in the next two years and we are staying at animal kingdom so he can watch giraffes from our room. It was now 9:30 and time for me to hit the sack….aren’t we just the sexiest moms out there lol…..
July 25, 2012
My sibling is gone after being with us almost two years and while it is strange to have the house to ourselves again, we are realizing how detrimental said siblings presence was to our everyday life. For instance we stopped showing any signs of affection to each other except for the occasional kiss hello and goodbye and that was only if sibling wasn’t around. We didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. I wonder how bad it could have been if sibling had been here longer. Would we have been left with nothing but a friendship? As it is we are shy around each other, almost forgetting how to touch. And that is just one small piece of what sibling did to our peaceful life. We are good people and we did for sibling what we thought was right at the time.
